The Door

I can still see you piling suit cases into the back of the old Ford Fiesta. I watched from the upstairs window. I waited for you to look up, but you didn't  You drove out of my life and left me here, with this big old house to myself. It seems like it happened only yesterday but I couldn't tell you how long ago it was. Losing track of time is the least of it… I'm losing track of so many things…

After you left my world ended. It was time to leave, I knew. Time to move on, but my heart wasn't in it. I suppose I just got stuck in a loop; you see, you were always there, still with me. The empty house was full of you. The bricks and mortar whispered your name. Every room told a story, our story. I couldn't escape, even if I ‘d wanted to.

We didn't talk much at the end, but I didn't mind; I wouldn't have missed a minute of it. That’s what made it hard; even after you left I still couldn't bring myself to moving on with my life. Pathetic, I know.

When I enter a room it’s as if you have just gone out; just popped off to the shops. I expected you to return at any minute with a bag of groceries. I rattled around in this old place with only my memories for company.

It’s time to move on, I know. But somehow I just can’t seem to do it. Something was holding me back: you.

When you came up the garden path I almost did not recognise you. It was only when you were in the house that I could see you properly, up close. You had changed; you were older – no, you were old! There were tears in your eyes. like before, You didn't look at me – but you seemed to look for me.

You brushed a tear from you eye as you said: ‘Herbert, it’s time to go, you must move on’

Then you were gone again, but you stopped in the garden and looked up. You gave me a little wave, just before you disappeared! Did you see me this time? Had I just imagined it all? It was hard to tell; I imagined so much, I was living in a dream.

When I found the strange door I thought: ‘one door closes and another door opens’ as if it were perfectly sensible and I thought: ‘it’s now or never…’

I expected to Black out, but as I crossed the thresh hold everything lit up. I had to close my eyes. And then I heard a familiar voice:

‘Herbert, oh Herbert!’

I opened my eyes and you were looking back at me.