Boy's Toys

Boy’s Toys

‘What you got there?’

Jimmy had pulled a small parcel out of the post bag – from Amazon, predictably. Only it was not the usual flat rectangular package; it was a small box.

‘Ah, it’s not what you think’ said Jimmy. He removed the bubble rap and held the box up for inspection. Inside the clear plastic container was a model car: a red mini cooper with two white go-faster stripes along the bonnet. There was also a grey remote controller with a long retractable aerial.

‘It’s for the kids’

Jimmy had been buying lots of stuff for his kids since the separation. Bill admired the car.

‘You should test it out’ he said, as he slipped a bookmark into his book and put the book aside.

‘Aye! There should be another one here too…ah, here it is’ this was a white racing car with a fancy spoiler and orange flames along the sides.

‘Cooool!’ said Bill. He liked his cars.

They had to leave the cars charging for an hour before they could properly test them. Time enough to do their rounds; they patrolled the gallery - checking doors and windows. There was always a light left on by someone or a window left open from the day shift.

While Bill and Jimmy patrolled Bert had the cushy job: watching the monitors; this was in deference to his seniority – he was due to retire soon; three months and counting …only he was not counting with happy anticipation. He dreaded retirement. His life was here in the Art Gallery. His life at home was basic, perfunctory, to say the least. Since the death of his wife he lived alone. He never really recovered from her loss. A poor soul by all accounts and yet he found solace at work; here he had a purpose, a place to belong and work mates he could banter with.

Once the rounds were done they could relax; they would not need to do much for the next hour – all being well! Usually the kettle would go on, sandwiches would be unwrapped, micro wave dishes would be poked with a fork, and papers and books would be brought out. But tonight was different; they had toys to play with.

After practicing with the controller and getting the hang of maneuvering the cars Jimmy suggested they have a proper race. Jimmy was the competitive one and a bit of a game geek. He always got the highest scores at Gran Turismo, or any other computer games for that matter.

They improvised a track on the linoleum covered floor; masking tape marked the starting line and the finishing line. This proved too easy and basic for Jimmy; after winning a couple of races he suggested adding some obstacles to the track - to make it difficult.

Over the next week the track became even more difficult, more elaborate; door jams became ramps, empty paper rolls became pipes, a waste paper basket became a roundabout and there were obstacles in the form of staplers and paper punches.

Of course Jimmy still won every race, but Bill seemed to be pressing him, gaining more with each contest. No one minded Jimmy winning, though. They were used to it - at the end of the day it was just a laugh anyway – a mindless distraction – and as is the way with such distractions the novelty was starting to fade.

It probably would have faded away completely and been forgotten - except for Jimmy’s next game innovation. Gallery management had been instructed to increase camera surveillance as a result of a prestigious new exhibit: Jewels of the Raja.  A dozen or so new miniature cameras were installed; most of these were focused on the Jewels collection. However, when the contractors had completed the work there appeared to be a surplus camera. Jimmy dutifully tidied this camera and some of the work debris away into the back of a cleaning cupboard – where it was promptly forgotten about.

Until a few weeks later, when Jimmy put his plan into action; he had chatted to the technician who installed the cameras; picking his brains. The technician had been flattered and enjoyed sharing his knowledge with a like minded geek – thus Jimmy, though appearing casual, had learned how to set-up the cameras with the PC software.

The next time he brought out the cars Bert and Bill were less than enthusiastic. Maybe they were finally getting fed-up with being trounced so decisively. What ever the case, the novelty had passed; even jimmy’s best efforts at cajoling failed to elicit any real interest beyond polite resignation.  

But Jimmy had his ace up his sleeve. ‘Okay guys, watch this!’ he said as he launched the PC software and launched the Mini Cooper down the track.

Bill and Bert did not get what the fuss was about, at first. Then they realized what Jimmy was actually doing: he was concentrating on the monitor – not the car! On the monitor they could see a cars view of the track, like a PC game.

‘Wow!’ they exclaimed. They looked from the monitor to the car, to the car’s remote control – back to the monitor.

‘Cooool!’ said Bill.

The novelty of Jimmy’s innovation did not last very long; mainly because neither Bert nor Bill could master using the monitor and controller. There was no competition for Jimmy. He lost interest. They returned to the old comfortable routine– food, books and banter. The cars were forgotten.

And so they would have remained forgotten - had it not been for a series of seemingly insignificant incidents. A day shift guy called in sick. Jimmy volunteered to cover the shift. He needed the money. That day the gallery had a visit from the new security consultant. He was explaining the special security set-up to the gallery curator. He was obviously trying to impress; he had the smug self assurance of a salesman delivering a rehearsed sales pitch; which, in fact, is what he was essentially doing– even though the sale had already been made. To jimmy it was irritating bullshit; all he heard was ‘Blah de blah...’ ad nauseam! He was trying to ignore the inane spiel when a sentence caught his ear and his imagination; making him almost laugh out loud: ‘…the system is as invulnerable as is humanly possible. A mouse couldn’t get through these lasers.’ The curator laughed at that, so maybe it was a bit tongue-in-cheek. Jimmy laughed inwardly. He visualized a cartoon mouse with a massive wind up key.

That night Jimmy could not sleep; the shift changes were playing havoc with his sleep pattern. He got up, made himself a Horlicks drink; maybe that would do the trick. He picked up the remote, flicked on the TV – flicked channels. Flick, flick, flick; an old favorite film: The Italian Job; he had only missed a bit. He probably would not watch it all, anyway. He fell asleep about half way into the plot; dreamed that he was in a car chase; he was driving a classic mini - being chased by a giant wind-up mouse – only the mouse was not giant in size; he was tiny! He was driving a miniature mini cooper. He flew over a familiar wooden ramp and was blasted by lasers – Star wars fashion. The dream was vivid yet by the morning it was a vague memory – but a memory that nagged at the back of his mind.

On his next night shift Jimmy told Bill and Bert about his dream. He also told them about the security consultant and his comments about the new security system. Bill looked thoughtful. He usually had plenty to say about dreams. Actually he had plenty to say about most subjects. He could quote Dr Freud and Young but he was not convinced by either of their views. He looked at Jimmy with a serious poker face.

‘Well, it looks like you are going to have to beat the new system’ his serious expression was replaced with a mischievous grin.

‘What?’

‘Your unconscious mind sees the new system as a challenge, like one of the PC games that you need to beat’

‘Really…?’ Jimmy looked doubtful; was bill taking the piss? It was hard to tell sometimes.

‘Don’t worry’ said Bert, coming to his rescue ‘he’s just kiddin’.

‘Am I?’ said Bill.

There followed a long discussion. The upshot of this convoluted conversation was a suggestion – from Bill – that they should theoretically test the new system for vulnerabilities! He was thinking about what became known as the mouse scenario.

They kicked ideas about for the next week. It became a game; Jimmy and Bert would come up with ideas and Bill would shoot them down, one after another – nope, won’t work; where’s your alibi? You’re caught on camera! How do you get the loot out of the premises? Can it be hidden? No, we can’t use the security codes…

By the second week the ideas were getting more and more outrageous. But strangely, Bill had less and less objections. He liked creative thinking.

Then one evening Jimmy and Bert delivered their latest brainchild and waited for Bill’s verdict. There was an expectant silence; which was prolonged while Bill ‘hummed and hawed’, as he thoughtfully stroked his chin.

‘Come on!’ said Jimmy, losing patience; surely Bill was deliberately hamming it up!

But Bill was not to be rushed. He was enjoying the moment.

‘You know…yes, it might - I think …it just might … work!’ 

They looked at one another in amazement - speechless. Jimmy broke the spell with an emphatic ‘Yeeessss!’ as he jabbed an air punch.

On this note of exaltation they continued the discussion; getting down to detail now.

The next night there seemed to be an unspoken agreement; they dropped the subject of the previous nights. No one seemed to want to bring it up, anyway. Now that it had moved from hypothetical to possible there was an uncomfortable silence; maybe they shouldn’t have talk about it in the first place – maybe it was wrong.

It was Bert, surprisingly, who broke the ice. He only had a month to go now – until he retired. ‘Once I’m gone’ he said ‘the plan won’t work’.

‘Yeah, but at least we’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that it could have…’ said Bill.

‘I’d loved to have see that smug security bastards face if his system-’

‘There’s no point in thinking like that!’ this from Bert.

‘I know, I know…but wouldn’t it be fuckin cool’

The talk continued in this manner. Eventually the conversation came round to a crucial point - one that had not been factored into the purely hypothetical discussions; how to dispose of the hypothetical loot? They joked about Ebay and Fences - It seemed like a final stumbling block.

Then Bill spoke up like a character out of the God Father;  

‘I know some people…who know people…who might be interested.’  

Both Bert and Jimmy were stunned into silence. Jimmy recovered his wits first.

‘Fuckinhell! You can’t be serious! You know some people…’

‘Yeah’

‘Talk about a dark horse…’

The next surprise came from Bert. ‘You can count me in.’ he almost sounded apologetic.

‘No-fuckin-way! I don’t believe this…you’ve only got a month to retire!’

‘Yeah, exactly!’

Well, the rest was history after that. Bill, Bert and Jimmy executed their ingenious plan to steal the Jewels of the raja – and because they had air tight alibis (thanks to some clever camera staging) and were canny enough to leave the money from the loot untouched, they remained above suspicion. Bert, of course, retired and was completely miserable. Bill and Jimmy continued to work at the gallery for another year, after which time it was agreed that they could carefully start to use some of the money.  

This was a big mistake as the police continued to monitor their finances. Fortunately for Bill and Jimmy they were on holiday by the time the police decided to apprehend them. Due to a tip off they were able to stage a disappearing act. It took the authorities over ten years to catch them. In that time they live the good life, the life of luxury.

Bert was charged and in due course imprisoned for his part in the caper. But the authorities could not get much on him, or from him. Bert had not even touched the money.  The authorities were working on the theory that there had to be other accomplices. But they still had no idea how the robbery was perpetrated.

Bert was terrified of prison; he had nightmares about being the bitch to some muscle-bound psychopath. As it turned out his cell mate was a model prisoner, a likeable rogue type, a con artist actually, who had a passion for books. Needless to say they got on like a house on fire.

Of course, the prison had its share of hardened criminals; a charming medley of crooks, murderers, and rapists. But thankfully Bert’s reputation for having pulled-off the crime of the century worked like a protective charm – even the more violent offenders seemed to have a respectful and protective attitude towards him. He was their criminal celebrity; he was part of the criminal fraternity.

So Bert settled into prison life. He was surprised after a while to realize that he was really quite happy here; happier in fact, than he had been when he retired and lived alone.  

He felt like he was doing time before; merely going through the motions of life. But now that he was serving time he felt that he had a purpose, a place to belong, and prison mates he could banter with. It all felt oddly familiar.

Then there was Linda, she had contacted him through the outreach program. He looked forward to her letters. They had exchanged many letters over the last few months. There had been a couple of blacked out sentences in his letters. But the most recent one was special; it had a photo of Linda enclosed – not entirely what he had expected, but not bad.

One day there was a package along with the usual letters from Linda. But he new it was not from Linda. He guessed that the censoring desk would have checked the parcel. They probably got a laugh; they would not see any harm.

‘What you got there?’ asked his cell mate.

He held the parcel up for inspection.

‘Let me show you.’