London Crime ( Short Story)

Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to tonight's radio broadcast-'Crime at Nine'.  I am your host Percival Piggins-Plunkett, it is Nine PM on the 13th November 1959. 

Over the past week we have been discussing crime in Britain.  Last  night we interviewed the bobby on the beat in the quiet English village of Turnbothamround.  This tranquil parish has been nicknamed the 'village without crime', as it's peaceful streets have known no crime in a decade, without having a single name on the charge sheet in eight years!

However tonight we turn to the type of crime that happens only too frequently in London. Our great metropolis attracts the great and the good of crime, big names with big ambitions to rob, steal and otherwise cause mayhem.  Tonight we deal with some of these master criminals of the past decade.............

In the annals of crime in 1950's London some names stand out having caught the popular imagination. These arch villans and poltroons held the Metropolitan area under a reign of terror such as even the infamous world of London crime had never seen!

Who can forget Lazslo Lazslo, Hungarian Emigree and confidence trickster who masqueraded as Prince Albert of Tissendorf?  Having hosted 40 or more charity events as the Prince Lazslo skimmed off a healthy profit of £15,000 per event. He was only rumbled when the real Prince Albert of Tissendorf attended one of the charity events. Lazslo had a very successful career in prison where he pretended to be many famous people and indeed escaped by pretending to be the prison chaplain. 

Then we have Dr I.C Yew. A peeping Tom GP from Kensington said to have peeped through more than 1,000 windows all over London. His decade long spree came to an end when his nose got stuck to a window pain in Primrose Hill.  Not the most evil of criminals but certainly one who raised a few eyebrows. 

A really odd criminal was Jack Higgins, also known as Jack Flash and Jack the kipper. A cat burglar whose calling card was an uncooked kipper left on the pillow of his victim's bed. This smelly criminal earned the nickname Jack the Kipper, victims had the double inconvenience of being robbed and also having to have their pillow washed. Jack was apprehended after a Siamese cat followed him home one night attracted by the scent of fish.

Of course we all remember Fingers Murphy, safe cracker and dynamite man, responsible for a whole string of jobs across central London including stealing the Shah of Khwarazaim's Jewels from a safe in central London. On that night Fingers managed to blow the safe without damaging a single glass in the pub next door! However Fingers gravely miscalculated the amount of dynamite required in his last job, but his funeral was very well attended.

Perhaps the most bizarre robber of the 1950's was Little Mo Green, a circus performer of dwarfic proportions.  Little Mo attempted to steal the crown jewels by climbing through a  ventilation shaft in the Tower of London.  Unfortunately he took a wrong turn and ended up in the guardroom rather than the jewel-room. 

But foremost of all in this rogue's gallery was Felix Kessler, also known as the cat. A one legged bank robber from Bavaria, Felix's peg leg held a deadly secret. Inside his wooden leg was hidden a sawn off shotgun.

His genuine disguise was flawless, a 77 year old one legged man with a white stick and thick round glasses. Felix was implicated in fifteen robberies but was never caught or charged. His Modus Operandi was to walk into a bank, pretend to walk into a glass door or a pillar and solicit sympathy as a poor old blind man. When staff took him into a side room to recover Felix would produce a shotgun from his hollow leg and demand it be filled instead with money.

Felix was never caught but once left his wooden leg behind after it became caught in a manhole cover!  If you see Felix please do not approach him!  He is know to be armed and very dangerous and cannot see past the end of his nose!

So that's all for tonight folks, tomorrow's broadcast is on the great train robbery! This is your host Percival Piggins-Plunkett wishing you a very good night!